Talk Like A Physicist

How physicists make lunch - Tesla Coil to cook hot dogs and Blue laser to make coffee

This is how physicists make lunch.

To make coffee, use the YAG laser beam.

 

Only Neanderthals use flames to cook, and microwave is so 20th century; let’s use high powered laser beams to make coffee. YAG laser, 300W 2.5kW would work fine for now.

 

To make hot dogs, let’s use the Tesla coil:

 

OK, a 10 foot tall baby coils by Nevada Lighting Lab would be just fine.

 

Almost at the end of the movie, you will see several sparks running down the pole - those are the hot dogs.

Here is a clearer picture of Tesla coil cooking hot dogs.

Some jobs have better perks then others!

 

Source

The science of pop: Guess the song from these pie-charts, graphs and scientific tables

It’s the latest internet craze - spoof scientific charts and diagrams based on the titles of pop songs and the artists who performed them.

Survey of Girls’ Wants
(Percentage of respondents)
- Food 0%
- Clothing 0%
- Oxygen 0%
- Fun 100%

Answers in the comment section.

Why I am joining the law suit to stop LHC

Just so that there is no confusion; this was a post for April 1, 2008, filed as an April Fool Joke.

There has always been a disclaimer at the bottom of the post.

<Posting on April 1st - filed under Physics Humor>

Just to reiterate, I fully and completely support LHC.

As an attorney and as a physicist, people have asked me about my views on the recent law suit to stop the Large Hadron Collider. In the law suit, a few concerned individuals have argued that LHC might create blackholes and endanger our planet, and hence any further work on LHC should be stopped.

I support the plaintiffs in this case and also plan to provide free legal services to them. I think this is the least I can do to help the humanity.

I am against LHC, not because I am afraid of micro-blackholes, or that some worm-hole will be created (I know these objects: I co-edited a book called Blackhole, wormholes and superstrings eons ago), I am against LHC because I do not want Higgs particle to be found, period. Life will be so boring if Higgs particle was indeed in the range that it is expected. I want physicists to keep struggling to find something beyond the God particle.

I would take the $8-10 Billion dollars that it is going to cost and get 100,000 more high energy theorists to start working on all the unsolved problems - I think the humanity will learn much more from 100,000 theorists then it will from LHC operations.

Physicists make it soooo easy to pursue these kinds of law suits because physicists are incapable of saying that something is "impossible". As the law suit says :"No absolute refutation of the adverse scenarios that have been described has yet been articulated”

I’ll give you a simple example, ask any person "what are the chances that you will win$10 Billion in a lottery by next month?" Answer would be "impossible, because no state/country offers $10B in lottery prizes and then on top of it, for me to win that prize is just not going to happen". Ask the same question to a physicist and chances are he/she will start calculating the chances of accumulating the powerball prize, buying all possible lottery tickets, chances that dollar will devalue so much that 1 Euro will be worth $1M and then come up with a probability that you will win $10 Billion next month. As I said, physicists are incapable of saying that something is impossible.

<Posting on April 1st - filed under Physics Humor>

Bake a Quantum Cake

Source http://front.math.ucdavis.edu/0503.7210

Not as silly as it sounds on the first look. It essentially uses the similarities between the diffusion equation and the Schrodinger equation to half bake some ideas.

There is plenty of physics to be learned from/during the baking process. A few years ago, I was involved in a patent dispute related to Pizza Ovens and I had to study up on the the baking process and the time saving techniques that major pizza chains use. Fascinating subject and even more so, if you like pizza.

Cooking is based upon the three elements of thermodynamics: conduction, convection and radiation and many pizzerias makes uses of all three methods to get the pizza to you in 30 minutes or less.

OK, back to the cakes - when can I have my quantum of dessert (dessertino)?

Source Symmetry magazine

Even zombies don’t want me

First they accused us of “not even wrong”, now even the zombies don’t want our brains to eat..! How low can it go?

From XKCD- Unscientific

Physicists do it

Physicists do it a quantum at a time.
Physicists do it attractively.
Physicists do it energetically.
Physicists do it in black holes.
Physicists do it in waves.
Physicists do it magnetically.
Physicists do it on accelerated frames.
Physicists do it particularly.
Physicists do it repulsively.
Physicists do it strangely.
Physicists do it up and down, with charming color, but strange!
Physicists do it with black bodies
Physicists do it with charm.
Physicists do it with large expensive machinery.
Physicists do it with rigid bodies.
Physicists do it with string and sealing-wax.
Physicists do it with Tensors.
Physicists do it with their vectors.
Physicists do it with uniform harmonic motion.

Physicists get a big bang.

Physics one-liners

The Universe is a big place… perhaps the biggest

Black Holes were created when God divided by zero!

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm)

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

PS: This message was written entirely with recycled electrons.

How many Heisnebergs does it take to change a light bulb

Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you know the number, you don’t know where the light bulb is.

Q: How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, astronomers prefer the dark.

Physics Puns : Who enforces the law of Gravity?

The Newton Police, of course!

What happens if you break the law of gravity?

You get suspended sentence!

Yikes!

XKCD- DPain Over Dt

Alt line : You laugh to keep from crying, you do math to keep from crying.

OK, be honest, how many of you have written equation to describe your emotional state of mind?

Source

Physicists look good in LaTeX

A clever pun by Toni:

Physicists Look Good in LaTeX.

And right she is!

LaTeX is a document markup language and document preparation system widely used by physicists, mathematicians and other scientist.

Physics Rap - that’s exactly why… I’m a physics guy!

 You don’t love something until you rap about it!

So, here’s the story from alpha to zeta,
eta, theta, iota to omega.
If you got a quantity to quantify,
it sounds cooler in Greek… don’t ask me why!

Complete lyrics after the gap.

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Happy Valentine’s Day: From Physical Review D Personal Ads

Mature paradigm with firm observational support seeks a fundamental theory in which to be embedded. No loop quantum gravity theories, please. Contact alan@mit.edu.

Elegant theory of everything desires to explore the landscape with a phenomenon in the hope that it will lead to a prediction. Let’s get physical! Contact ed@ias.edu.

In case you are wondering, Alan is Alan Guth of Inflation fame and Ed is Ed Witten of M theory.

From Fermila Today Via Asymptotia, & Often in Error