Ordering a pizza from Schrödinger’s Pizzeria was a bad idea..! And the worst part? They sent Heisenberg to deliver the pizza!

• Dear Neutrino, I know you have been doping.. – Photon.
• Hey Neutrino, that was pretty fast, have you been working out? Have you lost some weight recently?
• Dear Neutrino, that speeding thing is going to cost you plenty. You will have to attend two hour class on general relativity.
• This is total identity theft by Neutrino – Tachyon.
• Dear Neutrino, Please slow down, consider our kids.

Crack in Einstien’s theory of relativity:

While others are occupied with puny little things like hurricane of category 1 and earthquake of 5.5 magnitude, I am concerned about much more violent and much bigger natural disasters.

I am worried about Supernova going off too close to the earth and messing things up!

I think we should pass a law that says “no supernova explosions within 500 light years of earth.”

As soon as I suggested this, Tea Party and NRA vehemently objected to it.

We don’t want “no supernova explosions within 500 light years of earth” law enacted because we want to keep the freedom of a star to go supernova at any time any place. Preventing supernovae within 500 light years will lead to loss of jobs, they say…

Theoretically awesome Pedometer just for us!

Among other things, Einstein’s theory of special relativity says that as an object’s velocity increases, time as experienced by the object will slow down when compared to another object traveling at a lower velocity. This means that a “relatively” short round trip on a space ship traveling at close to the speed of light would see you arrive home having aged less than those back on Earth. While the greater the velocities involved, the greater the effect, the theory applies to all relative movement. Now there’s an iPhone app that will let you know just how many extra nanoseconds you’ve gained by getting moving as opposed to sitting on your rear end.

To calculate just how much time you’ve gained by walking to the shops, the Einstein’s Pedometer app uses the iPhone’s GPS capabilities and the Lorentz transformation, which describes how two observers’ varying measurements of space and time can be converted into each others frame of reference. A quick stroll round the neighborhood with Einstein’s Pedometer yielded me an extra 0.00021440 nanosconds.

I just downloaded it. It is free as well, because Physicists are very frugal with time and are not known for being very wealthy either!

Also, next time I am caught speeding, I can tell the police that I was just trying to contract time.

Via Gizmodo & Book of Joe

This is a good start, but there is so much potential here; I haven’t even used Mars bar pun yet, or postulated Punion, a smallest single unit of pun in this discussion yet!

Click on the image above to see a better readable, or the text is given below.

SK: A little piece of chocolate gives me a lot of energy, proving that Energy equals milk chocolate square.

D: But most of the energy is in the form of dark chocolate matter… Then there’s dark chocolate energy…. which is an entirely different matter…

SK: and the milk chocolate part, the part that you see, is only 7%.

Lets not forget the two dimensional manifold that surrounds and creates S4xC2 symmetric space to contain this chocolate.

P:physicist at work…..i’m reading a Deepak Chopra book on the spontaneous fulfilment of desire and loving it….i thought i was way to dumb to understand physics….

D: shortly after the chocolate (especially dark) is placed in front of me, I no longer see any of it. So, apparently the visible component spontaneously turn to the dark component. THen I can **feel** the energy…

SK: I guess you don’t subscribe to the Licorice string theory! Prof Nestle at the Hershey lab did some experiments on Toblerone and found that the visible milk chocolate expands the circumference or adds to the convexity of nearby objects, its called Twix-ass effect.

I don’t believe those results because Toblerone is so triangle, they should have used Rolo instead.

I’ll just wait for the Heath telescope to Caramelize the Milkeyway Galaxy. it is an expensive telescope, it cost 1000 Grand, some people Snicker at it, but I think it will be a Powerhouse and might even find Goobers; that will be NutRageous, a big Payday. There is some data but I want S’more.

It might even explain the asymmetry between dark chocolate and white Chocolate using the Cadbury’s Fudge factor.

Leave a comment if you think you can add to this.

Join me on facebook, send me a friend request if you think we have common interests.

Hmmm.. considering the speed at which Starwars characters travel, this may not be fully accurate. But saying “may the derivative of momentum be with you” just doesn’t sound right.

I like the one about the Higgs Boson!

I love puns, I am a Punisher, meaning that I make bad puns. But these are terrible. They are so contrived!

But sometimes I don’t care because:

She is on hiatus, hopefully she will pick up her brown sharpie again.

From Courtney Gibbons

When Eisenhower orders they military to integrate Little Rock High School.. the answer is

Little Rock 9X + C

XKCD

I am with Stephen Hawkings on this one:

When I hear of Schrodinger’s cat, I reach for my gun.

Just because there is MAYBE at the end, doesn’t mean it is not scary.

Image from LardFork

Klein bottle for sale – please inquire within.

In mathematics, the Klein bottle is a certain non-orientable surface, with no distinct “inner” and “outer” sides. The Klein bottle was first described in 1882 by the German mathematician Felix Klein.

Euler’s Equation: You are elegant and beautiful. Your grace is almost unrivaled, yet you are very complex.

Its just wrong for all of them to be on the same plane..

Talk Like a Physicist

Facebook Status messages – Physics Edition.

Yes, I am a statustician… once a day, I have to think about something witty, funny or mundane thing to say about whats happening around me… yes, I can manage that! I take special delight in coming up with esoteric ones.

Here are a few that are physics related. Many of these will require a google/wikipedia search or Arxiv archive search, but thats the fun part of it.

.. is inventing “Oil of Olay DM”, made entirely out of dark matter, to smooth out the wrinkles in space time.

is modifying general relativity.

is redshifted by 2.2; you figure out how far I am.

has a radio halo.

is going through a quantum phase transition.

is a perfect hologram.

is experiencing Lorentz contraction.

is time herding.

is doing aperiodic tiling of his bathroom floor.

is trying to reduce his Erdos Number.

is looking for some nano-blackhole cream to patch up a naked singularity.

and here is a non-physics related funny one:

I just change the name of my ipod to “the titanic” so whenever I plug it in to my computer it says “the titanic is syncing”.

You can see more physics related facebook status messages here.

Talk Like a Physicist

This Dilbert cartoon really hits home, because I am both a physicist and an attorney!

So anybody want to incorporate in another universe? Want to buy some real estate in another dimension? Want to find a loophole using a worm-hole, I can help you with that! Trust me, I wrote a book about it.

I would have expected a cartoon like this from XKCD, not from Dilbert!

Talk Like a Physicist